I am not a math whiz, but…

During my cross-country road trip in March, I prepared and planned my meals so as not to rely on any fast or junk food for sustenance while driving.
Total pounds lost while in a car: 7

After contracting a stomach virus in April, I was left incapacitated, in bed, and with an inability to digest any solid foods for nearly two weeks.
Total pounds lost while lying down: 4

While on vacation in Italy in May, I took every precaution not to overdo it on pasta dishes alone and incorporated chicken, fish, and fruit at every meal while drinking glasses and glasses of water.
Total pounds lost while eating gelato as a reward for my good behavior: 0

Over the course of the past few days in June, I simultaneously mourned the loss of my co-worker (who left to pursue an alternate career) as I organized our department for our upcoming seasonal sales meeting while training our new temp.
Total pounds gained while working fourteen hour days, running up and down nine floors of my office building, procuring vast amounts of paper cuts, and overactivating my sebaceous glands: 11

Stress doesn’t stop me from consuming buckets of chocolate. Eleven pounds worth, apparently.